Thank You, James Lehman

For anybody that reads these Downloads regularly, you know it has been a particularly rough summer.

We changed one of Evan's medications, removing it from his system entirely before starting something new. Evan without meds to treat anxiety is totally off the chain. He was physically aggressive, destroying our house, screaming so loud that in public I'm sure people were wondering what I had done to my child. He was so bad, it landed him in a psychiatric partial hospitalization program, and the thought that one day our home situation may escalate to him getting treatment at a residential facility is at the forefront of our mind.

In the past few days we've seen some promising improvement in him. His new meds have built up in his system over these the last few weeks, and the dose at this level seem to be helping. Things aren't close to perfect, but they are manageable, and right now, that's all I'm looking for. Can I talk through difficult situations with him? And right now, the answer is turning to yes.

The point with the meds is to make him available. And until just recently, I've felt like he is available again.

I've been a huge fan of the Total Transformation Program. James Lehman, the author of the program, gives me a lot of confidence that what I'm doing is right, how to change things I may be doing wrong, and really focusing me on our issue: that our son can't solve problems on his own, so he acts out. My job is to teach him, to coach him, how to solve problems. It's a simple concept, really. And he provides lots of techniques to use for lots of different situations. It's great.

There was a while there that all the behavioral training and psychological training I have had as a parent was not working. But I see things coming together again, and that's a good thing.

This is a long way of me saying that I think Evan is finally becoming "available" now. I just hope things continue to keep looking up. But I always have the Total Transformation to keep me company. I've been listening to the program again this weekend, and I feel like I've been given the keys back. My job is to keep them.

Update on August 31, 2008 by Christina Shaver

I've decided to create a discussion board for people to chime in or ask questions about the Total Transformation. I get thousands of hits every day of people searching on the program, and wonder if a place to discuss would be helpful. If you're interested, check it out here.

I'm Sorry

You notice that I sell the Total Transformation program on my website. It has helped me out, and anything that can help out my wacky life deserves credit. I don't know how long I've been selling it here. Maybe since the fall?

It definitely doesn't make me money hand-0ver-fist, but I do get a little commission for every program that sells through my site. It's nice. I make roughly enough money a month to cover two OT sessions, and if I'm lucky, three.

There's something about selling the program that makes me kind of sad, I'll admit. I usually see a "bump" in sales on holidays: Mother's Day, Father's Day, this weekend. I see the order come through -- it's anonymous to me -- and then I say a little prayer for whoever just purchased. I know where they are, and God knows, I'm right there with them. But I always feel a little sad. Holidays are supposed to be fun. Time with family. Time to come together. Not time to focus on how to get your kid to behave.

But, like I said, I know where these parents are coming from. And maybe while part of me feels sad for them, part of me feels sad for me too. As one of the people who commented recently said, there is grief in parenting a child with special needs. Parents need to grieve the loss of the "normal" child they assumed they would have. But there's also grief in realizing that your family can't do what other families are able to do no sweat -- something as easy as attending a picnic on the 4th of July.

Anyway, my heart goes out to the anonymous person who purchased the Total Transformation program this weekend. Whoever you are, please know that I'm thinking of you. 

What is the Total Transformation Program?

Jen asked in the comments what the Total Transformation Program is. Rather than responding there, I thought I'd post a new Download so the answer has more visibility for others who are interested as well.

I'm about to describe the program from my own perspective. I'm not a psychologist, therapist, social worker, anything with any fancy letters at the end of my name. I'm a mom who has a kid with Issues. So that's where my knowledge on the topic comes from. And with that caveat out of the way, here goes:

The Total Transformation is a behavioral training program. It trains parents to train their kids acceptable behavior. It is not an overnight solution to behavior issues with kids. It takes dedication on the part of the parents to enforce and reinforce the lessons, because let's face it, kids with behavioral issues can be quite persistent.

In all the research I've done about ADHD, what I've found is that the best "treatment" for it is two-fold: medication and behavioral therapy. And truly, I've found that for my son, this combination is making a difference.

The Total Transformation does not address emotional issues. In fact, it goes so far as to say that if a person's behavior were constantly in an acceptable range, intense negative emotional issues would not exist. It's the Chicken and the Egg Theory to me. And considering we also have Evan in a psychotherapy daily program that deals primarily with feelings, I have to say that for me, I think the two are too closely linked to say that one causes the other. For me, there's too much "stuff" there to parse so easily.

Bottom line: if you're looking for a program to address a child's emotional issues, this may work, but indirectly.

But if you're looking for a program to help you gain control of a situation at home that may feel out of control, this may help immensely. The training will basically give you a toolbox of techniques to use that sets firm limits and boundaries for your child. It gives you the confidence to enforce these limits against a child that may be quite creative in their own right on ways to work around the rules you set.

So in a nutshell, it's a behavioral therapy program. I don't remember exactly how much I paid for it, but it was to the tune of roughly $350 or something. Well worth the money. And so far, I have not found the need to shell out the dough for seeing a real, live Behavioral Therapist. This program really does satisfy that need for me, and at that price, costs way less than seeing a full-on doctor.

And, last, I also did at the time purchase the option to speak with a real, live Total Transformation counselor for around $30 a month. I could call whenever I felt I needed help. And I did call. And it was helpful. I can vividly remember each call and that the person on the other end of the phone, did indeed help me through some pretty major crises. But I've since cancelled the phone subscription. Like I said, the Total Transformation program does really work, and after a while, I didn't need them in person anymore. 

Update on May 7, 2008 by Christina Shaver

If you want to buy the Total Transformation Program, buy it through me. This isn't a program endorsement -- you make up your own mind if you want to do it. They just give me a little extra cash, which I can certainly use!

Total Transformation Update

So a while, while back (is it almost a year ago?) I started the Total Transformation Program. And honestly, it was exactly what I needed at the time. I was doing reviews for it on this site, and got to about the second CD, though I've listened to more than just what I've recorded here. I've had a lot of people e-mail me personally asking whether I think it would help their particular situation, and I hope I've been helpful.

For people who are interested in purchasing the program, I have started selling it on this website because I really do believe it can help struggling families. If it helped me, I'm sure it can help anyone who has a child with behavior issues. If nothing else, it gives parents back their sense of authority and confidence in their decisions.

Anyway, someday, I'll go back to my review of the program. And I actually want to crack open the Total Focus Program that I purchased way back then too. Now having a better understanding of Evan's ADHD, I think helping him learn to focus will be beneficial for him and for the rest of us.

So many people come to this blog to read about our experience with Total Transformation. It is a huge investment, but I know that if people think it will work, they will pay it. I remember being in that same boat, thinking that I would pay just about anything to help me help my son and bring balance to our family. I've paid for a lot of products and services over the years, and this was by far worth every cent. And honestly, I haven't paid for a single parenting book or resource since. This really does answer all my questions. And if I'm ever feeling overwhelmed, I listen to the next CD and gain my wits back to parent the situation.

In the year since I purchased Total Transformation, I will admit that we have also started giving Evan medicine to help with his ADHD and his anxiety. And, in coming posts, I'm sure I will once again type out my personal anxiety about adding another psychotropic drug to the mix. He's still having major anxiety and his psychiatrist would like us to consider an additional drug. I am a huge advocate for these types of medications for children who need it. And yes, we tried all sorts of diets and non-prescription herbal-ish remedies first. Nothing works like the meds.

But the meds only address his hyperactivity. They don't turn him into a well-behaved child. That's where the Total Transformation comes in. On the meds, he is able to be fully present in his environment and is able to "take-in" the new behavioral conditioning that I've learned through the Total Transformation.

This year has been substantially better than last. It was also a year ago-ish that Evan nearly sliced off his finger tip because he was just so impulsive and hyperactive. This week has been spring break, and it's honestly been a really pleasant time for us. He is so sweet and so well behaved. He even let me take (I kid you not) a three hour nap today. He sat right near me playing with his toys and never once bothered me to try to wake me up.

I see that he can be such a sweet and gentle child, and we couldn't have gotten here without a program like the Total Transformation. 

Update on May 7, 2008 by Christina Shaver

If you want to buy the Total Transformation Program, buy it through me. This isn't a program endorsement -- you make up your own mind if you want to do it. They just give me a little extra cash, which I can certainly use!

Total Transformation is Working

This is a day I could have lost it a million different times. But I didn't! I'm not always so good.

In some subliminal way, the Total Transformation program has given me self confidence as a parent to stick to my guns. When I say no, it is no and there is no negotiation.

I've also been taking something to heart that Evan is learning in group -- that I have my own feelings. Which seems so childish to think about and even say. But so often when Evan starts getting worked up, so do I. The two of us feed off each other. And today I realized, I'm not angry. He's the one angry. And somehow, it worked:

"If you scream again," I said, "I take away your DVD." He did, and so did I. "If you scream again, I take away your cars." He did, and so did I. "If you scream again, I take away your pacifier." (Yes, the three year old is still using a pacifier -- so shoot me!) Guess who didn't scream again?

Then I got to start on a new tactic. "If you have a quiet voice and a quiet body for one minute, you get to have one car back."

At the top of his lungs he screamed, "I want my toys back!"

"Well," I said, "if you have a quiet voice and a quiet body for one minute, you get to have one car back."

More screams and the same if-you-have-a-quiet-voice-blah, blah. Then, believe it or not, silence. After about a minute, he said nicely, "I want my cars back."

"Fine," I said, "one car, you pick."

"But I want them both."

"You only get one."

"I want them both."

"You only get one. Which one do you want? Lightening McQueen or Sally?"

"Lightening McQueen."

"And if I give it back to you, do you promise to keep your slow body and quiet voice?"

"Yes."

"Because if you don't I'll take him away again. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"And after I give it back, there are no more toys. It's only Lightening McQueen. Sally is all done and so are DVD's."

"Okay."

"And if you scream, I take away Lightening McQueen."

"Okay."

And do you know what? It worked. 

Update on May 7, 2008 by Christina Shaver

If you want to buy the Total Transformation Program, buy it through me. This isn't a program endorsement -- you make up your own mind if you want to do it. They just give me a little extra cash, which I can certainly use!