Total Transformation is Working

This is a day I could have lost it a million different times. But I didn't! I'm not always so good.

In some subliminal way, the Total Transformation program has given me self confidence as a parent to stick to my guns. When I say no, it is no and there is no negotiation.

I've also been taking something to heart that Evan is learning in group -- that I have my own feelings. Which seems so childish to think about and even say. But so often when Evan starts getting worked up, so do I. The two of us feed off each other. And today I realized, I'm not angry. He's the one angry. And somehow, it worked:

"If you scream again," I said, "I take away your DVD." He did, and so did I. "If you scream again, I take away your cars." He did, and so did I. "If you scream again, I take away your pacifier." (Yes, the three year old is still using a pacifier -- so shoot me!) Guess who didn't scream again?

Then I got to start on a new tactic. "If you have a quiet voice and a quiet body for one minute, you get to have one car back."

At the top of his lungs he screamed, "I want my toys back!"

"Well," I said, "if you have a quiet voice and a quiet body for one minute, you get to have one car back."

More screams and the same if-you-have-a-quiet-voice-blah, blah. Then, believe it or not, silence. After about a minute, he said nicely, "I want my cars back."

"Fine," I said, "one car, you pick."

"But I want them both."

"You only get one."

"I want them both."

"You only get one. Which one do you want? Lightening McQueen or Sally?"

"Lightening McQueen."

"And if I give it back to you, do you promise to keep your slow body and quiet voice?"

"Yes."

"Because if you don't I'll take him away again. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"And after I give it back, there are no more toys. It's only Lightening McQueen. Sally is all done and so are DVD's."

"Okay."

"And if you scream, I take away Lightening McQueen."

"Okay."

And do you know what? It worked. 

Update on May 7, 2008 by Christina Shaver

If you want to buy the Total Transformation Program, buy it through me. This isn't a program endorsement -- you make up your own mind if you want to do it. They just give me a little extra cash, which I can certainly use!

Comments

[BYFFI (yes, Laura's :) )]

Yay, Mommy and Evan!! Way to stick to your guns, Mom. I'm proud of you. Lord knows, I understand better than most how difficult that can be. I'm really impressed with your dedication to working the program. Evan is one lucky little boy!

[Brett N]

Very cool. I don't know why this consept seems so difficult for modern parents to wrap their self-absorbed minds around: kids can very quickly learn to understand the concept of "consequence."

Play nice -- you get the carrot.

Play bad -- you lose the carrot.
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B

[Jon]

Hey BYFFI - eat a fat one.

We are driven crazy and are dying inside as our son is more defiant and angry. We are not 'self-absorbed'. Our son just doesn't respond to reward/punishment. Screw you for thinking you know everything.